It usually starts as a quiet question.

“Why aren’t they more engaged?”

The leader asking it is well-meaning. Hardworking. Frustrated.

They’ve tried setting clear expectations. They’ve checked in. They’ve encouraged.

But the energy just isn’t there.

And this is where I usually pause and ask something that makes them uncomfortable—in the right way:

“What are you modeling?”

Teams don’t follow rules. They follow you.

There’s no slide deck or Slack message that sets the tone more powerfully than your own behavior.

You can say:

• “We value ownership.”
• “We need to be proactive.”
• “We expect people to speak up.”

But if you…

• Constantly check details yourself instead of delegating,
• Postpone decisions to avoid conflict,
• Or nod silently in meetings without ever challenging an idea…

…your team will follow that behavior. Not the one in the values poster.

Culture is caught, not taught.

One of my clients – an engineering leader – was struggling with accountability on her team.

People were missing deadlines. Communication was lagging. She had written up a clear RACI chart. Sent out reminders.

But when we unpacked her weekly schedule, one pattern stood out:

She often stepped in to “save” projects. Jumping in late at night to fix bugs. Reworking presentations when updates weren’t done.

She was modeling rescue, not responsibility.

Once she stopped filling the gaps and instead held people accountable (gently but firmly), the dynamic shifted.

Deadlines improved. Updates came in earlier. People rose to the standard she embodied, not just the one she explained.

The Power of Consistency

Here’s the real secret:

People don’t expect you to be perfect. But they are constantly scanning for consistency.

• Do you show up the same way in a 1:1 as you do in a team meeting?
• Do you praise ownership but micro-manage execution?
• Do you promote collaboration but avoid disagreement?

Every inconsistency erodes trust – even if it’s unintentional. Every moment of alignment builds it.

What Are You Tolerating?

One of the fastest ways to assess your leadership is to ask:

“What am I tolerating that contradicts the culture I say I want?”

Maybe it’s lateness to meetings. Maybe it’s vague updates. Maybe it’s venting in DMs instead of speaking up.

Every time we let something slide, we teach our team: “This is okay here.”

Not because we said it. But because we didn’t address it.

This Isn’t About Being a Hero

This is about being intentional.

The best leaders I coach aren’t louder or more charismatic. They’re just more self-aware.

They know: Their calendar reflects what they prioritize. Their tone sets the emotional climate. Their consistency is the culture.

So they take time to reflect. They ask for feedback. And they make sure their actions match their expectations.

3 Questions to Reflect On

If you want to lead by example, try this quick audit:

1. What values do I want my team to embody?
2. Where am I modeling those values well, and where am I falling short?
3. What one habit can I shift this week to better align my actions with what I expect from others?

You don’t need a transformation. Just a small, visible shift.

Because when a leader changes, the room notices.

Florin

PS: Want to become more intentional about setting the example?

Join me on July 8th at 08:00 CET for The Engagement Gap: Why Your Team Shows Up But Doesn’t Lean In

We’ll explore the leader’s role in team engagement, the biggest mistakes most make, and how to avoid them.

Look, it’s free to attend, but you’ll have to register to get the Zoom link.

Save your seat here: https://us02web.zoom.us/meeting/register/n350U1wgS7KScWemSJ0QGQ