A few years ago, I was working with a senior leader in a tech company.

Smart. Driven. Respected.

But his team? Disengaged. Defensive. Constantly playing it safe.

During one of our coaching sessions, I asked him:

“What happens when someone misses a deadline on your team?”

He shrugged. “We just move on. No need to make a big deal out of it.”

I leaned in.

“And what are you teaching the team when that happens?”

Silence.

Because whether he realized it or not, he was teaching them that accountability was optional.

Here’s something I’ve seen again and again:

Leaders don’t build culture through words. They build it through what they allow.

The conversations they avoid. The behaviors they excuse. The misalignments they tolerate.

What you permit, you promote.

If you let people talk over each other in meetings, you’re promoting dominance over dialogue.

If you let deadlines slip without discussion, you’re promoting performance that’s negotiable.

If you avoid giving tough feedback, you’re promoting comfort over growth.

Even if you don’t say it explicitly.

Especially if you don’t say it explicitly.

So many of the teams I coach say they value collaboration, ownership, and trust.

But when I coach their people 1:1, I hear the real story:

• “No one follows through.”
• “We talk about trust, but people still hide their mistakes.”
• “We say we’re collaborative, but no one challenges ideas.”

The posters on the wall don’t match the behavior in the halls.

That’s the Culture Gap.

And it doesn’t start with bad people.

It starts with good people avoiding hard conversations.

If you’re a leader (and if you’re reading this, you are), then you have a choice to make:

You can lead culture by default — letting it form around what’s easiest, most comfortable, or most tolerated.

Or you can lead it by design.

That starts with this question:

“What behavior am I silently endorsing?”

If someone on your team consistently interrupts others… And you don’t say anything… You’ve just taught the whole room that it’s okay.

If someone makes a subtle jab in a group chat… And you let it slide… You’ve just lowered the bar on psychological safety.

If someone comes to you with concerns… And you deflect or delay… You’ve taught them not to bother next time.

Now, this doesn’t mean you have to pounce on every misstep.

It does mean you need to notice. To name. And to coach in real-time.

Because leadership is about making the invisible visible — especially when it comes to culture.

Here’s what I suggest:

1. Pay attention to your silence. Sometimes what we don’t say is louder than what we do.

2. Be consistent. Hold yourself to the same standard you set for your team. Otherwise, the Culture Gap starts with you.

3. Use the “culture moment” filter: Ask yourself in the moment:

“Is this a behavior I want repeated?” If not, address it.

Even briefly. Even kindly. But don’t let it slide.

And if this resonates with you, I’d love to invite you to a free leadership session I’m hosting live on:

Tuesday, April 29th at 08:00 CET

Bridging The Culture Gap – When Stated Values Don’t Match Behavior

We’ll explore:

• The Four Dimensions of a Culture model I use with leaders and teams
• Real examples of culture gaps (and how to close them)
• The role of communication, influence, and modeling in shaping behavior
• And you’ll leave with a practical worksheet to use with your team

This is not a fluffy session. It’s a coaching room, and you’re invited.

Register for free here → Zoom Registration Link

Let’s stop promoting the wrong behaviors — by accident. Let’s lead with intention.

Kindly,

Florin